1. |
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The new days, the fool's gaze
The coward sang she's still in love with the man that she swore would take her hand
But now she's trying to sail away, it's part of her name
And she really likes the radio, she likes sounds so far away
July 28th
The season, the time likes creeping away
You like 6 in bed by 10
No room to come out and connect, pay my respects to who that dumb girl might marry
So it's kinda strange, us finally alone in your home today
Let's play like we used to you-
No, you'd rather play "awkward disconnect"
And at this point, what should I expect?
Talk to me please, we've got so much left to see
I bet you could have been there for my birthday if you wanted to be
I'm tired of guys, you were just tired and that's no surprise
So will you stick by what you say?
I guess you can't when you're yearning for change
The air became thin, my body had caved in
Collapsed, my composure, the tears formed as falls
From memories and future dreams now erased, not suspended
I'm not sorry snot smothered our skin as we ended
I sunk to the floor, thank god we just cleaned it
Spewed words from a song that you never listened
A spectacle of disarray me at my darkest
Don't try holding on while I'm losing my grip
We'll make up any minute, right? That's how these things get
Not a night ends unresolved, isn't that why we're perfect?
But this one is different not a fight, a revelation
You learn just what you built by clawing at dead weight
My pleas killed my voice while you sat there in silence
Nearly 3 years and I said the words for you
By the end we agreed to subside with the summer
My last month with you til you break free from cover
And this month just won't be the same...
They won't know us as...
Love
The clock struck, your bedtime, my signal to leave
Our void finally visible to someone naive like me
There's a storm far away, it sings softly both our names
And I hear it so faint calling you, taunting me
And you said you like the rain
Well leave cause there's the rain
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2. |
One Thousand
04:38
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What's on your tongue that I can't taste?
Marred my senses, is that still your face?
Deceit! Deceit! I see it through your teeth
Close your mouth babe, it's starting to leak
Remember the highs, the endless goodbyes, when gym coincided,
the nights in your basement
Dots almost close by, your shows became mine
If you smiled or cried, please save me from aching
Breathe,
Sorry but how could this be
We spent so much time perfecting you and me
Once your priority
Made plans for the future but didn't make 3
Your pedestal was made from my devotion, wanna tear it down?
You better know where you're going
Gone are morning texts, "how was your day", who's gonna ask?
Complain to someone else, don't underestimate one such as myself
I wrote one thousand things to see you smile
The best gift you'll receive
My presentation of all you meant to me
(And you'll still leave)
One thousand things to see you shine, now my efforts in vain
Your choice to refrain
When did you forsake
Slipped up, the long road has brought chaos to our names
Enough, my worn heart will bring chaos to your name
You wanna mend?
It seems you'd just rather pretend
Til I find out as you break my mind down
Refuting all my "baseless" call outs
Apologies for insecurities
Absence of transparency reveals a disband
No these aren't colossal demands
An attempt at making the innocent who claimed to speak the truth
Own up to inequivalence rather than make an excuse
Cause at this point we both know I mean less than you
(Don't attempt to object just show me the proof)
I wrote one thousand things to see you smile
To think that you would leave me
1. How you made me the cutest list of 100 things you loved about me last year!
48. Whenever you point out that you can feel my heartbeat!
139. That we are still dating despite me being in college and stuff
200. The first time you said you wanted to be with me forever.
209. How we are both so gosh darn indecisive!
320. That we take forever to say good-bye! Probably my fault!
488. That thanks to you I can say I had a perfect year
497.That you think yogurt is icky!
598.That you feel safe in my arms
599.That you said you are never breaking up with me !
635.That you deal with me being sensitive and stuff
698.How I know it’s hard for me to be away and I know you get sad about it,
but I love that you are holding in there as best as you can
833.That you’re always tired. It is cute!
That just means you can fall asleep in my arms all the time when we have the chance
854.That I could see the happiness resonating from you even
if you were crying when we hugged that night!
902.That I can’t imagine my life without you now, since you made everything worth it
I always have something to look forward to thanks to you
I wrote one thousand things to keep you safe in my arms like you wanted
Why did you forsake
976 was a lie about how I'd be okay if we broke up
984. That you put up with my defensiveness.
As you have noticed, it is quite the character flaw and I apologize.
991. That the future used to scare me and now I can’t wait to see where it will take the both of us
997. That if for some reason the whole entire world decided to turn against me,
I know you would definitely be the person I could turn to
1000. That there is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
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3. |
We Never Got To Dance
04:34
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Phone obsessed, a callous mess, now you're finally being called out to confess
Feel the fleeting flutter, retreat, don't recover, it's futile, no success
To keep moving? They're still moving and so what of our missteps
Forgot how to endure, now everything's a chore
Like your flags, we once could soar
Amazing how they turn back time, turning to their better days
Cognition reshapes, we've faked but it's their DNA, always overlooking mistakes
That perfect little place, their heavenly estate
Don't you wish we could go back, or that we could see past
We never got to dance like this again and now it's far too late
Spinning out of self taught conditionals
Place, close in sunlight
Our steps envied by them too
Feet combine with me, please
Get dressed up
And we'll untangle faulty motions
Sing cold and frozen
The door will reopen
This time I'll get harmonies
No, you wanna forget
Turn quick to your resent
So much for time well spent
Bleed, trip as they proceed to wed
Wondering, "were we once that perfect"?
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4. |
Act 2.8
02:09
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Let's announce our deaths
Now begins suspense
Let's pay our final debts
I'll drown in last respects
Set a date to it
Explicit falling action
Or my attempt to prove
That deep down there's still attraction
After work that night
Hope sparked in the lowest of light
Laughter brought you joy and me relief
You said the best you felt in weeks
Can we keep up this pace
Dropped the baton, still tried to race
DQ imminent, let's be the exception
The goal still remains
Obstructed, but you've maxed out evasion
We are waiting (we are waiting)
For a sign to see
If it's still 'we'
This month is going well and we have reached an even higher peak
So let's dispel uncertainty and return to our glory
(Come back to the colors guarded by both of us then our lives will sync together lost endeavors will be found and saved forever)
This newfound comfort in your head
I'm tempting you with cheese and bread
You're reminding me of this girl I knew way back back then
This month you didn't feel like you had to pretend
Let's continue our push with withered hands
Reclaim what you hoped for first back then...
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5. |
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Shut up
They’re telling me to get out
Shut up
Uncouth and obnoxiously loud
Laughing in darkness
Biting my fingers
Drowning out noise with my own
It’s okay, only one more day
The tracks will hum your name
And we’ll make all the noise this weekend
Allure of the station when you’re there
(Forgo the bus, it’s faster to sprint)
At last, we've made it to
This day, in view
It's heaven in the room
Adding to our ruins
Sing out
Unlimited options on these streets
Meals bigger than us but never enough
I cleaned up and you weren't impressed
Somehow we managed a bigger mess
What will we look at tonight
Laying in awe of the holy moonlight
You colored up this ocean
I can finally see the flow in
And soon this will be every day
So quick, the time flies, true
These days were dreamlike
A kiss, tears fall, we knew...
Goodbye is "I'll see you soon"
This phase is over
But I still hear your ghost rushing through the tracks each day
3 stops, 9 bucks and a bus
To get lost in memories deleted by you
That time, now ended, true
This place, you once improved
A train passes through
I won't see you soon
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6. |
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You came to watch me sing
You liked it but what business lead you there
Then you tied yourself around my neck and you managed to make it stay
Held your board on the way home,
No “thanks” but I didn't mind
You captured my attention
Cause you tried, oh how you tried
Playing forgetful, what a plan
A treasure, the note to win your hand
I see you’re impressed with what you read
And so the story begins
We came to a brand new glorious world
You and me, an enchanting thing to see
Keep me tied and I'll keep you safe
We'll make it through anything
Look forward to the future
Where our time aligns sweetly
We'll stay up only as long as you need
And finally I'll enjoy sleep
You’re an elegant masterpiece
You increased my self-esteem
In your arms
I felt love and glory
You kept my hands warm at games
You drove to visit me without complaints
11:11 we wish together
If it comes true we'll be forever
Bubala, you're so much more than first glance
Sew buttons onto pants, you say
Then you "mer" away, I love the way we sing
Look forward to the future
Where our time aligns sweetly
We'll help each other in our new home
You flip em, and i'll fold the clothes
Ha ha, don't expect our mercy
We're judging everything you do, every word you say
Cause that's just who we are and it's quite funny
You reign over me
I'll make all those wishes come true as you please
You are my happily ever after
lovely
The only gift I need
Forever and always, you and me
Finally I'll enjoy sleep
I don't care for the darkness, let it come we'll watch it break
Your name is woven in my heart and my heart is yours to take
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7. |
I, Chimera
05:52
|
|||
Hello post-relationship
Nice to meet you
4 days was quite the break 'til we started talking, but for who's sake?
Still a separation, feigning reformation
The story of how far we'll go to care beyond our cataclysmic expiration date
Still talking, planning visits, I could get used to this
Mom found out and
I kinda broke down
Illusion tactics make me seeing you easier on my head
Goodnight's
Get home safe's
You'll soon see my face
This is the closest that we've ever been
When I arrive let's be friends, nothing more
But we laid exposed then regressed, our lips couldn't help it
Traveled by train, held my arm in the rain
Our vacation to our glorious past, wouldn't you say?
Don't question my ways
This was no mistake, I wanted to bring you back to me
And you felt the same
Deny it, but baby you had fed into everything
Calls came more often, excited to hear your voice again
A new routine as just friends
November 4th, second visit
No holding hands this time
We'll just eat up, watch sappy movies
Suddenly your body’s next to mine
You finally learned to like walking
Cleaned up your dishes while you worked
You thanked me, was that a kiss goodbye?
Remember, no holding hands this time
Calls came more often, we're talking for hours on end
Are you sure we're just friends?
Do you want me to change for you? I could give you 4 kids
Let’s get drunk, we’ll waste with the night too
Edge means nothing compared to you
I would never yell or fight, I'd bite my tongue, and don’t worry you'd always be right
I'd leave this school, maybe transfer to Trenton too
You can pick my best fit, just let me be with you
Just let me be with you
Thanksgiving, said you missed me
You wanted to try again, but that's hasty
And what if we failed after I said yes
I'm not letting you dismantle me again
You wanted me to text you first
Well, I'm hesitant
Look what happens when you don't respond
Guess you like keeping secrets
Only tell me what's convenient
Seems you dig the party scene
Kissing guys that aren't me
But you still keep my hoodie underneath the pillow where you sleep
Hello, old friend
How have you
Been quite some time since
Last confessions
You better off
And me, a mess
You said you'd help
Surprise, you didn't
Your night out
Left me paranoid
If you addressed it first
This wouldn’t be destroyed
You think we’re cast to
Worlds so foreign
Don't play your mind
I love you
...
Are you embarrassed or are you cringing?
I'm the chimera you fear that haunts your sleep
The one you didn't see through to the end or put out of misery
Held my heart in the rain
Our vacation to our god forsaken past that's what you claimed
But nothing remains
I'm in a strange place, vain to think you'd wait and come back to me
You could call me crazy
Do you think you used me, truly
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8. |
Fan and Sword
09:21
|
|||
It all started 10/26
Back then beautiful bliss
That date still etched deep in my skin
But now it's gone, your siblings, your love, and all of those pinky kept promises
Back home we meet again one more time, by your house in the wretched night
Now I say choose
I pick you
I guess you did too
Our last goodbye, (I thought we could weather this)
You hurt me again this time
Now
They won't know us as exceptional
We drowned just like the rest
And unknown we'll be, my voice
held in contempt, our silent seas
Early relationship, I loved you more than you me
This became toxic but I don't regret it
I swam for you but i had to unhook the anchor or sink with this ship
Us didn't make me happy in the end
I heard you scream, you tantrum taking child, grow up you creep
(How's this so easy for you?)
Cause you're an explosion, stop thinking of me
I know you're sorry, you're always sorry but that doesn't mean anything
No
We weren't exceptional, you held too close to your ideals and my old self
Now let me go, stay away from my home, I won't be soaked by your laments
Fine, if that's what you want
Hope you can accept we might never speak again
And now I'm alone, standing uncomfortable
I lost my sign, my favorite friend
(You gave me your fan and it cut me up)
You got what you wanted,
Me when you needed me and away when you didn't
Without you
Nothing's the same
Where are you? Did you get home safe?
"Give me love", I begged
But you ignored my last refrain
“What do you want”
The last words you remember hearing from her mouth
From far away, she pronounced the space to further disassociate herself with you
“Goodnight have a good semester”
Was her exit statement
Where she revealed that she is done with you and all you represent
Poems, apologies, love
They all mean nothing
In her eyes you are your absolute worst
And from there you begin to nervously tread through the next stage of your life
Where she chooses to fly is of no concern to an ocean dweller
Lay down
Dispel your distress
You’re only gonna cry if she gets to you
Breathe slow
It isn’t complex
You’ll forget her and move on eventually
The screamer who stole her first year away
Self-loathing forced her tears near the laundry room for all to see
Your psychotic self took over and attempted to control
her consumption and what the hell did you think was a good idea about that
Think about all you kept her from because you couldn’t admit you had a problem
And you did have a problem
She was the only thing that could make you happy
And you thought she was all you had
Solace from the depths that will never cease to drag you down
But a burden to a person so precious to you
Despite your friends continuing to tear her apart
claiming that you were better off
While you still weren’t able to fault her
You never wanted to fault her but she ended up giving you a reason to
What you wanted was to see your friend one more time as she was
With no hesitation she unveiled her worst to you, condemning your actions, leaving you with one final impression
Guess what?
She doesn’t give a damn about your worst anymore
But her’s is the only thing capable of setting you free
And you’ll find that the sea has so many places to venture as soon as you learn to let her go
I want you back, I want to let you go
I want you out of my head
"Give a little time to me or burn this out
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around
All I want is the taste that your lips allow
My my
My my"¹
Severed these ties, our connection
You had a chance to keep me close but you failed
Your gravest mistake, you won't find much better than me
Your future loves will be fake and unfulfilling
I'm forever far away from you
But I learned what’s further is just closer to something else
Someone else
You're finally done to me and I'm keeping your fan and cutting you out
I'm the grace you'd end your days with
I am your nostalgic places
I won't be bound by your limits
Your last drink may lift, but it's nothing compared to me
Your new life's basic. It is nothing compared to me
She’ll listen to all I say
And respond, never nod, invested in me
She’s a night owl too and a walker
Hates silence and a good text partner
She’ll love my friends and I’ll love hers too
Never an intrusion just part of the group
Comfort in dark moods
Understanding when blue
I’ll never feel alone
She’ll care far more than you
Now we're done
It seems you have won
You don’t care for what I say or who I’m with
But maybe those thoughts do scare you and you want me back in your life again
If that's the case then stay cast out or darling fucking fight for me
¹Ed Sheeran - "Give Me Love"
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9. |
Ever Ours
04:15
|
|||
Hey
These songs express the hate
I'm past it I swear, I just had to get the hatred out of me
I don’t think we’re speaking again
You’re dancing with stars while I’m learning to swim
Despite what we said and how we fell
I’ll always be wishing you well
Crazy, the time since then
Surprised I actually commit to it?
Me too, it wasn't easy
But it got easier like you said
You haven't been holding me back
School sucks but I’m on the attack
But it’s no surprise
I still wonder where you’re at
I hope ASL is going well, and that you're still L-happy
Are you in charge of all your clubs yet, all of those acronyms?
And those breaks, hands still like building houses?
How are your friends, I hope that you kept them
They're lucky to have you, and you them, Still plan on teaching the deaf?
That's so valiant, you've got this, you deserve all you can get
Much respect, but I confess, I still think of us
Far from obsessed, a thought just lingers in my head
This is something we once believed in
Yes, it had to end
I'll miss you like hell
You were my best friend but we were not our best
Ever Mine
Dedication, to loved ones and keeping conversation
I sometimes freak out and get too afraid to seek help for myself
Ever Thine
A beautiful mind, outspoken, and ready to lead or commit
Just don't overburden yourself, you should have fun without the stress
Ever Ours
This experience, that like you I could never regret
Held a bit too long but we had so much fun
Something we'll remember til death
But Ever Mine again
Your forever, that I kept tucked in my wallet for whenever
Let go cause you wanted me to and that's okay
This wasn't for me, but you
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